Crap and Crapability

Washing instructions the way men read them; Thanks Mik

Doggie translator: the meaning behind the barks ...All you have to do is attach the transmitter to your dog's collar, input its breed and other information into the handheld receiver, and you'll be able to read the furry guy's mind like a book. Well, at least like a mono-colored face on an LCD screen. And for those who just love being judged, the BowLingual will even give you an MBF (Man's Best Friend) Score to grade how good your relationship with your dog is...

A mortician was working late one night. He was examining the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, when he made a startling discovery: Schwartz had the largest penis he had ever seen! "I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician commented. "I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity." So he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase and took it home. "I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said to his wife, opening his briefcase. "My God!" the wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead!" Thanks Fabrizio

English Engrish can be difficult at times creating some pretty interesting error messages: At least they are polite: Thanks for the tip Valerio.

A Swiss freighter carrying tapioca nearly sank when a fire slowly cooked the cargo: The biggest tapioca pudding in the world is cooking in the hold of a fire-swept Swiss freighter and threatening to split the vessel at its seams. "It's like a huge tapioca time bomb," said an incredulous fire chief today as he watched the smoldering 12,165-ton Cassarate at the Cardiff docks. Fireman earlier controlled the fire which started in timber stacked in the upper holds 25 days ago at sea. The crew kept the smoldering timber dampened until the ship docked here late [on September 12]. But the water from the Cardiff hoses seeped down to the lower holds where 1,500 tons of ...

Looks like someone let one rip on the ISS and set of the alarms: NASA spokeswoman Kelly Humphries initially told CNN: "The situation is stable. The crew was asked to put on some protective gear." He said the odour was "not normal". Later Mike Suffredini, manager of the space station program, said: "It's an irritant, not a life-threatening material." "All readings well below anything that we would be worried about," he added. The stench first appeared at 6.23am Houston time. The source is still unknown.

Chinese Fido fails steering challenge: ...Mrs Li from Hohhot, the capital of Chinese Inner Mongolia, admitted her dog was "was fond of crouching on the steering wheel and often watched her drive". Accordingly, she decided it was a bright idea to "let the dog 'have a try' while she operated the accelerator and brake" - with inevitable results....

As in; the most exaggerated way over the top, waste of money, swiss army knife: It weighs 1kg, costs $1.200 and is only made on order but at least you get a lot of tools: 1. 2.5” 60% Serrated locking blade2. Nail file, nail cleaner3. Corkscrew4. Adjustable pliers with wire crimper and cutter5. Removable screwdriver bit adapter6. 2.5” Blade for Official World Scout Knife7. Spring-loaded, locking needle-nose pliers with wire cutter8. Removable screwdriver bit holder9. Phillips head screwdriver bit 010. Phillips head screwdriver bit 111. Phillips head screwdriver bit 212. Flat head screwdriver bit 0.5 mm x 3.5 mm13. Flat head screwdriver bit 0.6 mm x 4.0 ...

The Register reports: ...The unnamed 42-year-old was driving his old Citroen in the Slovak town of Levice when the accident occurred. Police officer Peter Polak told Reuters: "It's very likely he had auto-sex while driving: it is a matter of investigation. After the accident he was found lying in the seat, his pants were off and it [the pump] was placed on his penis."..The man was taken to hospital with "head injuries", the report concludes.

Via [Digitalfog News]

Yet another crap iSomething USB gadget; the iSharpener:

I just cannot bring myself to believe this: Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are auctioning a bronze statue of baby Suri's first "contribution" to the world. "A bronzed cast of a baby's first poop can be a meaningful memento for the family." What on earth do you use a statue like that for? As a paper weight? Nobody will ever convince me that what ends up in a diaper looks good (not to mention the smell).

What can you do when your boss asks you give more than 100% at work? Assigning one number to each letter in the alphabet:A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z We get the following:1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 One key for working well is "K N O W L E D G E":11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96% Good, but not enough. Let's try with some "H A R D W O R K":8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98% Still not enough. What about some "A T T I T U D E"?1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100% Very good but still not over 100%. Maybe some "B U L L S H I T" helps?2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103% Better than doing knowledge, hard work and attitude, but the only ...

The gift for the baby that has everything, a baby toupee: