Crap and Crapability

The traffic in Milano went in tilt on Thursday because of the snow. I can understand that, as the roads were not cleared and people are not used to driving on snow. But, I cannot understand why the trains and metro went in tilt on Friday. I expected a lot of people to take the train when they realized it was too much snow to go by car so I left home one hour earlier than normal. Great I thought; the train was only 9 minutes late which is better than on a normal day even with a bit of snow in the station: It continued snowing and the problems started when everybody wanted to go home. The increased traffic came a surprise to nobody apart from the train companies. Ferrovie ...

Research on bats show that smaller is better: males with big balls have small brains and and unfaithful females. Whereas males with smaller balls had larger brains and faithful females.

The Winter Olympics 2006 in Torino will not start for another couple of weeks but I hate it, with a passion, already. That is a very confusing feeling for a Norwegian that loves the snow and winter sports. Let's rewind a couple of years. The tickets were put of for sale on the internet a few years ago on TicketOne.it. The online purchase worked OK even though they follow some weird rules I still do not understand. It was possible to buy tickets for a couple of weeks a few years ago, then later in the year, then last year etc. A major PITA for the little guy but perfect for agencies buying large batches of tickets. But, in the end I got some (but not all) of the tickets ...

Last week I took some friends out to a restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange, but I ignored it. However, when the busboy brought our water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. I then looked around the room and saw that all the waiter persons had a spoon in their pocket. When the waiter came back to check on our order I asked, "Why the spoon?" "Well," he said, "the restaurant's owners hired Andersen Consulting Experts in efficiency in order to revamp all of our processes. After several months of statistical analysis, they concluded that customers drop their ...

There are 9 people in the picture. If you find 6, you have ordinary powers of observation. Find 7; you have above average powers of observation. Find 8; you are very observant. Congratulate yourself! Find 9 you are extremely observant, very intuitive and creative. You can rival the observant powers of Sherlock Holmes

This is sad; A twenty year old in England recently died of malnutrition after living on a diet of French fries, buttered toast and the occasional canned beans since he was a kid. Scott slowly bled to death after he had to pull three teeth as his blood was too thin due to the malnutrition. I have no words

You work very odd hours. You are paid a lot of money to keep your client happy. You are paid well but your pimp gets most of the money. You spend a majority of your time in a hotel room. You charge by the hour but your time can be extended for the right price. You are not proud of what you do. Creating fantasies for your clients is rewarded. It's difficult to have a family. You have no job satisfaction. If a client beats you up, the pimp just sends you to another client. You are embarrassed to tell people what you do for a living. People ask you, "What do you do?" and you can't explain it. Your family hardly recognizes you at reunions (at least ...

How could I have missed this Christmas gift ideaIt looks harmless enough until you press the remote and Santa lets one of 5 different farts rip. The remote works up 30 meters away so it should take a while before your guests discover the trick... Or, if you prefer the interactive option; you can pull Santa's finger:7 different farting sounds with random remarks: Ho Ho Come on,Sit on my lap There 's a gift for ya! That 's all your getting this Christmas! Ahhhh ' the Holiday smells.. Up the chimney I gooooo! Was that on your list? If you cannot get enough of the sound; Pull My Finger

This photo pretty much summarizes my day in the office today:

Don't eat the bag he has on the back.It makes you fart!

Gator was one of the worst pests until it changed the name to Claria and managed to disappear from the limelight. What changed apart from the name? Little or nothing. They still track&spy on what the users do and send it to a central location. With careful wording in the EULAs they have convinced the lawyers that they should be declassified from spyware to adware. Who cares about the name? Crap by any other name is just the same! The deals and money involved are worthy of a Grisham novel. The worst part is that Gator Claria is no longer identified by antispyware due to the deals they have made. More background info on Gator/Claria and its spyware in Wired

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,the courage to change the things I cannot accept,and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill today because they pissed me off. And also, help me to be careful of the toes I step on todayas they may be connected to the ass that I may haveto kiss tomorrow. Help me to always give 100% at work....12% on Monday23% on Tuesday40% on Wednesday20% on Thursday5% on Fridays And help me to remember.....When I'm having a really bad day, and it seems that people are trying to piss me off,that it takes 42 muscles to frown andonly 4 to extend my middle finger and tell them to bite me! Amen

(click the image for a larger version)

(from my inbox) A man with a sewing machine to sell placed a classified ad in a newspaper with the following results. MONDAY: For Sale: R.D. Smith has one sewing machine for sale. Call 958. Call after 7 p.m. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him cheap. TUESDAY: We regret having erred in R.D. Smith's ad yesterday. It should have read: For Sale: R.D. Smith has one sewing machine for sale. Cheap. Phone 958 and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him after 7 p.m. WEDNESDAY: R.D. Smith has informed us that he has received several annoying telephone calls because of an error we made in his classified ad yesterday. His ad stands corrected: For Sale: R.D. Smith has ...

A great quote from Dilbert Newsletter 62.0: One of my co-workers (who is originally from Arkansas, just FYI) told me one day that he knew for a fact that sex feels better for women than it does for men. I asked, "How do you figure that?" His reply was (and I am not making this up!), "Because when you put your finger in your ear and wiggle it around, it feels better to your ear than it does to your finger."